When trying to conceive, especially if it doesn't happen right away, it's easy for your mental thoughts to take a negative turn.
Especially when we see many women - either in real life or online - sharing how easy it was for them to get pregnant. It makes us wonder - "how long until it happens for me?"
Personally, I needed a preparation period in order to get pregnant.
I have to work harder to boost my body for fertility, which can happen for many of us.
When I started noticing my body needed time to optimize my ovulation and luteal phase, I knew it could take about 2-3 months for my body to be fully ready to "start trying".
Depending on the state of your hormonal health, you can get to your optimal fertility state quicker, or it may take longer. Some women may need a grace period of 3-6 months, or more.
Realizing it could take some time, the process still brought forward thoughts of worry, fear, anxiety, and doubt.
When I first started trying to conceive, it was after my husband and I got married in 2019, and I'd never been pregnant before.
I'd often worry if my body could do this, based on my past experiences with hormone imbalances. I'd ask myself a sea of questions like, "how long is this actually going to take?", "why does it seem so easy for everyone else?" and "I really want to be a mom".
It felt like if I just knew WHEN it would happen, my mind could calm down and I could enjoy my life more. But we aren't given a roadmap or told the timeline on the moments of our lives, as frustrating as it can be in our waiting period.
What I did learn was to focus on the positive changes my body was showcasing for being more in alignment for pregnancy.
My body showed very subtle signs of imbalances that did not get in the way of my everyday health or wellness. I truly felt great - I was ovulating every month, I had zero PMS and my period was perfect. It took looking at my cycle from a fertility perspective in order for me to uncover the slight changes I needed to make in order to conceive.
As I got to work on shifting when my body ovulated and to lengthen my luteal phase, I started paying attention to the positive changes my body was showcasing.
My ovulation was stronger and happening more at the right time (I was ovulating too late for my cycle length - the math really does matter - on day 18 of a 28 day cycle, which needed some work). And my luteal phase lengthened, which meant progesterone was higher (again, cycle math! My luteal phase was only 10 days, and for fertility you want it to be 12-16 days so progesterone has enough time to rise. Watch my video on progesterone deficiency here).
This was just two pieces of the puzzle I needed to fix for myself (also had to support my thyroid, as my T3 levels were a bit too low). Yours might be similar or it could be very different.
Mentally, it's important to focus on how you're taking care of yourself.
Your mental health is part of how you can create more space for your baby.
I'm a big believer in manifestation and part of the process I took to get pregnant was using my spiritual beliefs to maintain a positive mindset, giving myself space to feel my fears and let them go, and create space to welcome a child into my life.
I did the same process when preparing for baby #2. Each child comes with their own needs, and I want them to know I have time and energy for them.
Here are 5 ways to improve your mindset when trying to conceive:
1.Focus on the Positive
When you're moving forward to optimize your health for pregnancy, celebrate the little improvements you notice along the way. Each one is a big win and a sign your body is moving in the right direction! I also looked at it as "my baby is on their way!".
Whenever we make changes to our health, it can take about 3 months to really see a big improvement.
It's just how our hormones and monthly cycle work.
If you make changes to your lifestyle, diet or fitness, it'll take one month for your hormones to reset and show a slight improvement.
You're then consistent for month two where you'll notice another slight improvement.
Then for month three, that's usually when women see the biggest improvement. And for many of us, when our body is in better alignment with our goal.
When I was trying to conceive, it took 2 months of observing where I needed additional support. Then 3 months of very targeted and strategic help in order to get pregnant. Each month I'd focus on the signs my body gave for improvement, like ovulation moving to the correct window and my luteal phase lengthening.
Each month acknowledge where you've seen improvements and remember your baby is well on their way!
2. It's Ok to Cry
Crying is a physical release of emotions and is a healthy expression of our feelings.
If you get your period, give yourself some space to cry and really feel your feelings. It's normal for disappointment to arise, especially for something you want so badly.
Whenever I'd get my period, I'd allow myself some space in the morning to feel sorry for myself, get angry, and honor the frustration. Then when I had it all out and had come to terms that we weren't pregnant yet, I'd get on with my day. I'd often go for a walk or a run to help lift my spirits and give myself more space to get my positive mindset back on track.
Later in the week, I'd have a glass or two of wine, because I was also committed to enjoy some things I couldn't while pregnant! It would be the only time of month I'd have any alcohol.
3. Create Space for Your Baby
If your home is crammed with extra stuff, where there is no room for a child right now, clean it up!
If your schedule is so jampacked you can barely breathe, how can a baby fit into this schedule? Start shifting now to create space. You may not use that time for a child, but you can use it for extra self care for you and nap time for when you do become pregnant.
Make the changes you need right now with your home and your time in order to be able to welcome a child into your life. I look at this as physical manifestation where you're signaling to the Universe you're ready to be a mom.
Kids need their own space, stuff, and will demand much of your time. By doing the work now, you are also creating a less stressful pregnancy and transition into motherhood. Don't wait until you're pregnant to make these changes. Or after the baby comes! That's way too stressful for anyone.
Another feng shui concept I loved using, was to keep one drawer or shelf in my home completely empty. This helps signal to the Universe that you're ready for more and you have the space to accommodate.
4. Lean on Loved Ones
It can feel really lonely on the trying to conceive journey, and it's a topic many women feel uncomfortable talking about.
I personally couldn't share how I was feeling on social media. I couldn't welcome in outsiders to my private journey while I was still on it.
But I did lean on my closest friends who I could share how I was really feeling and what I was going through. It also helped open the conversation to hear their stories and know I wasn't alone in the journey. For many of my girlfriends, it took them anywhere from 3 to 8 months to conceive, and many had the same thoughts as me.
I also talked to my mom and my husband, who were absolutely wonderful. Especially my husband! He was the only one who was on the exact same journey as me, and we were in this together.
5. Free Writing
Free writing is where you set a timer (anywhere from 5-15 minutes) and you get out a pen and paper (physically writing helps better connect your head and your heart). When you start the timer, you don't think, judge, or acknowledge your thoughts. You just write them down as fast as you can. You can go through how you're really feeling, your fears, worries, desires, etc.
When you're done writing, you don't even need to reread what you wrote. You simply tear up the page and throw it out.
This practice helps you dump all the thoughts that don't serve you, where they get out of your head and into the trash. It helps you acknowledge your true desires so you can free yourself from any fear or worry. Our bodies respond to our emotions, and we want to remain as happy and positive as possible.
I loved using free writing as a way to acknowledge my worries, while not allowing them to consume me.
Need more? Watch this video on the hormones you need to balance when trying to conceive!